Monday, March 16, 2015

My Big Why?

Question 1: Why am I fighting?

I want to give my children every bit of help and truth, love, and experience and example that I can to help them make good choices that will bring them happiness now, later in life, and in the eternities.   My greatest joy comes in my children's progress.  My greatest personal progress comes in my becoming a better mentor, listener, counselor, guide, servant, friend, teacher Mother.

At Crossfit, when I finish a WOD, I can often tell that I did not give it everything.  even though it was feeling really hard.  I think back through my workout and I can see where I could have done more, moved faster, pushed harder, been more efficient or paused to rest less.  Most often it is early on in the WOD - the first few minutes that I could have done better.

I don't want to get to the end of life and feel that I should have done more for my children.  I want no regrets in my role as mother.   When I say more, I don't mean making their beds, and washing laundry for them.  I mean spending time to show, and teach them how and why to do those and all other things for themselves.

In some ways I already have regrets, and a long list of "Wish I hads" and "if onlys."  As my oldest daughter, Kate, becomes more and more independant I certainly have things I wish I had the skills to do better in helping her reach her dreams.  But I am trying.  She knows I love her.  She knows I am not perfect and I do my best.  I know that God has the power to make up  the differnece for where I fall short as a mother.  This life is not about perfection.  It is about progress and improving and giving our best.

Now I have to ask myself the hard question.  Why do I hold back at Crossfit?  and am I holding back in my parenting? The real answer is sometimes, but I am doing much better, than even a year ago.

I hold nothing back.  I love, laugh. learn, teach, apologize and cry.  I am consistent, thoughtful, tough in holding boundaries, gentle in my words.  I question societal norms and look for the real purpose and effect of my actions, culture, habits.  I embrace the adventure of life, each day find blessings, and share what I discover.   I want to be, I am becoming, I am a Powerful, Purposeful, Nurturing Mother.  

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