I am a mother who knows how to say "I'm Sorry"

Mortality is about practicing.  Everyday I try to live as Jesus would.  Everyday I make some mistakes.  Some days I do something really wrong.  And I feel aweful.  But I can say that the trend if I were charting my progress is definitely moving upward toward living who I want to be - who God wants me to be.

Today I made a big mistake.  I "blew up" as Wyatt, my 9 year old said it.  I lost a battle with Satan.  In hind sight I can see where the little thoughts started coming in.  "This is not going how I planned."  "I'm never going to get my list done."  "I should be getting more help from ____ and  ____ and ____."  "Why is my baby so fussy today.  It is not possible to both love the little ones and teach the older ones to work, and get all the work done."  "Jonathan said he would be home a half hour ago.  Where is he?"  They are just common thoughts of busy motherhood.  But they each have a negative connotation.  They are lacking hope, and trust in God's plan for me.  They are lacking patience and certainly joy.  

That is how Satan works with me.  Subtly.  Nothing so strikingly wrong that I stop and throw it out right then.  But those little thoughts spill into emotions,  I started to become short, unpleasant in my interactions.  Then one more straw...  Today it was two of my children arguing with each other.  I joined in the fight in a most ridiculous way.  I came storming in and yelled at them, and told them if they were going to yell they had to go outside.  

I immediately recognized the absurdity of what I was saying, and because I felt terrible for my behavior, it came out as miserable, which equates to more sharp words as I tried to justify myself by explaining why they were in the wrong.  I hate this ridiculous mortal tendency.  I always want to prove I wasn't so bad, so I go on doing bad.

After giving myself 3 time-outs.  One outside - my just punishment for yelling in the house.  Then one in my room as I rocked my baby to sleep. - That is a very soothing, and calming ritual - what a blessing to me.  My third timeout was sitting on the couch downstairs in deep thought, going over the day and all that led up to my losing  the battle with Satan.  This is called a lost battle analysis and it helps me to prepare differently so that I can win the next battle.

Finally, I was ready to apologize.  To each child individually, then to my Father in Heaven, with my family gathered around me.  I pleaded for the Holy Spirit to come back into our home, that we could feel love and enjoy the remainder of the day, and I acknowledged that it was my fault that a contentious spirit - one of Satan's had entered our home.

Heavenly Father answered that prayer abundantly.  We were a close and happy family the rest of today.