For the past several weeks I have been going through all of my past journals, letters, and other writing. My entries are not daily or even weekly, but there are many over the years. I am finding things I had completely forgotten about.
Admittedly, I have been looking for the dark and negative pieces in order to gain clarification on my struggles with depression. I have found plenty of black pearls, entries that show patterns, false beliefs, weaknesses, and heartaches. From these I am able to see what I have changed and overcome, and what I still need to change. I have made it for about 5 months now without a real dip into depression. It has taunted me, especially through some intense struggles in recent weeks, but I feel I am breaking new ground in understanding it, and that there is hope of casting it off forever.
Much to my joy, I have also found precious treasures of personal revelations, the tender mercies of God, and experiences and feelings that are evidence of goodness in my life. It is a healing journey to see that in all my inconsistency and repeatedly making the same mistakes, I was consistently working at gaining wisdom, through study; I was consistently repenting and turning back to God - although many I times I had to be compelled to be humble; I was consistently trying to be a good mother, and slowly but surely gaining better skills, patience, and vision of what a good mother can be.
I have read things that I learned and loved, and have forgotten. I feel a renewed hope in implementing these in my life. My love of traditions that are meaningful, my love of the Constitution and liberty, my love of agency education - my love of writing!
Admittedly, I have been looking for the dark and negative pieces in order to gain clarification on my struggles with depression. I have found plenty of black pearls, entries that show patterns, false beliefs, weaknesses, and heartaches. From these I am able to see what I have changed and overcome, and what I still need to change. I have made it for about 5 months now without a real dip into depression. It has taunted me, especially through some intense struggles in recent weeks, but I feel I am breaking new ground in understanding it, and that there is hope of casting it off forever.Much to my joy, I have also found precious treasures of personal revelations, the tender mercies of God, and experiences and feelings that are evidence of goodness in my life. It is a healing journey to see that in all my inconsistency and repeatedly making the same mistakes, I was consistently working at gaining wisdom, through study; I was consistently repenting and turning back to God - although many I times I had to be compelled to be humble; I was consistently trying to be a good mother, and slowly but surely gaining better skills, patience, and vision of what a good mother can be.
I have read things that I learned and loved, and have forgotten. I feel a renewed hope in implementing these in my life. My love of traditions that are meaningful, my love of the Constitution and liberty, my love of agency education - my love of writing!
Emily, you have a gift of writing and of learning that you have magnified through work and discipline. As you continue to share these talent's through this blog and through the many other ways that you use them to bless others lives, your blessings from the Lord will increase.
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