I am a mother who knows I can teach my children hard things, and they will accept it.

Today my good friend Kathy passed away.  Kathy was a beautiful and inspiring mother of six.  My fondest memory with her is one afternoon she came to my home to visit.  We were discussing nutrition while our children were playing together.  Kathy was passionate and a deep well of  knowledge about wholesome nutrition.
I was struggling with wanting to make further changes to our family's nutrition, I had been learning and trying new things myself, and I wanted to share those benefits with my children, but I did not want to force them or make them eat healthy against their will, because I knew that would cause more psychological damage than the health benefits would justify, and when the cat was away the mouse would play anyway.  It wouldn't be a lasting change.  I was expressing all of my concerns or hesitations about implementing the new food ideas for our whole family to Kathy.
She became very calm, looked me in the eyes, and told me that if they were good things I was desiring for my family, God would guide me, and would help me teach them, so they understood; if I wasn't sure about teaching something to my children, then I needed to pray about it, and God would answer me.  She had perfect faith that if we teach our children why and how we are doing something, and it is good, and of God, then he will bless our efforts, and help them want to follow our teaching.
Over the years following, on more than one occasion I have had Ally, Kathy's oldest daughter with me in situations where there are treats being served.  One of Kathy's food beliefs is: no sugar!  Little Ally has always politely declined anything with sugar in it. One time I asked her why and she said "it isn't good for me."  I asked if it was hard to not eat it when everyone else was, or if she felt left out.  She frankly said "No, our family just doesn't eat it. My mom gives us other better treats."
How many 8 year-olds do you know who decline sugar?  Kathy had taught her children in what she felt was best for them, and they believed.  I too, find that when I desire to teach my children, and ask for God's help in doing so, they accept my teaching, beyond my expectations.
Thank you Kathy for teaching me this powerful lesson in motherhood.

http://kathysmiracle.com/

I am a mother who knows that I can recieve what I ask for.

For Christmas, I asked for the gift of Charity.  Since the realization that I needed that gift, I have  been praying daily to receive it, and have carefully studied Moroni 7.  After several weeks of bumpy roads, I had nearly two weeks of peace and joy. The fruits of Charity seemed a peaceful part of living.  Life was moving cheerfully forward for our family. 
Then, on Sunday night I was triggered.  A phrase that I came upon in my reading, that provoked a torrent of negative emotions.  I struggled all through Monday and Tuesday, trying to finish Christmas preparations and wanting to have a happy spirit in our home for my children.  But I failed.  I was edgy, losing my temper occasionally, draining all the joy out living in our house.  How is it that mother can be the naughtiest one in a family?  I knew I was in the wrong.  I was searching for how to rid myself of the negative spirit.  I tried prayer and scriptures study and writing and sleeping.  Finally, Tuesday evening, with sincere pleading I asked the Lord to give me Charity - it is what I needed to let go of the trigger from Sunday night.  I needed to stop dwelling on the past, forgive, love, acknowledge the good in my life now.  Almost immediately, a calm sweetness came over me.  I felt the power of Charity.  It washed over me, pushing out all the negative and dark thoughts and feelings.  My good, forgiving family then embraced having their mother back and we enjoyed a beautiful Christmas Spirit in our home for the next few days.
Because I asked, the Lord blessed me with the gift of charity for a time, when I especially needed it.  I know I will need to continue to work on it, foster it and practice it, in order to really own it continually in my life. 
I feel that God let me struggle, so I could feel a need, and have to practice the hard work of striving for Charity.  If life had kept on smoothly, I would not have realized how powerful a gift Charity is, nor would I have recognized His giving me that gift this Christmas.

I am a mother who knows there is power in journaling.

For the past several weeks I have been going through all of my past journals, letters, and other writing.  My entries are not daily or even weekly, but there are many over the years.  I am finding things I had completely forgotten about.

Admittedly, I have been looking for the dark and negative pieces in order to gain clarification on my struggles with depression.  I have found plenty of black pearls, entries that show patterns, false beliefs, weaknesses, and heartaches.  From these I am able to see what I have changed and overcome, and what I still need to change.  I have made it for about 5 months now without a real dip into depression.  It has taunted me,  especially through some intense struggles in recent weeks, but I feel I am breaking new ground in understanding it, and that there is hope of casting it off forever.

Much to my joy, I have also found precious treasures of personal revelations, the tender mercies of God, and experiences and feelings that are evidence of goodness in my life.  It is a healing journey to see that in all my inconsistency and repeatedly making the same mistakes, I was consistently working at gaining wisdom, through study; I was consistently repenting and turning back to God - although many I times I had to be compelled to be humble; I was consistently trying to be a good mother, and slowly but surely gaining better skills, patience, and vision of what a good mother can be.

I have read things that I learned and loved, and have forgotten.  I feel a renewed hope in implementing these in my life.  My love of traditions that are meaningful, my love of the Constitution and liberty, my love of agency education - my love of writing!

I am a mother who knows Christ will not leave us comfortless.

Today is Addy Day.  It is the day she returned to our Father in Heaven 13 years ago.   Here is some of what I wrote at the time.


Addy came to our home as a gift from our loving Father in Heaven.  She came to gain a body, and complete a short but important mission in this life.  Our family is greatly blessed to have had her. When I first realized that Addy had died I was scared, hurt, confused.  But very quickly my Father in Heaven blessed me with a sweet peace, and the knowledge that Addy's life on earth was complete, that he had called her home to do his work on the others side of the veil.  I know that Addy is with her Savior, and is happy.  I feel that she misses us with the same sweetness that we miss her, but her spirit will always be near to our family, And Kate will have a sister on the other side watching out for her, as a guardian angel

Addy was beaming, Kate, not so much

My Heavenly Father knew how quickly my heart would break when Addy left us.  he did all he could to prepare things to ease my pain.  The week before she died we had our first ever family picture taken..  Addy beamed for the camera.  The last day that I had my sweet Addy was the day before we had planned to go home for Christmas.  I wanted to have pictures to take to Grandmas and decided to use up the last of my film in the camera to try and get a current picture of Addy, and of Kate and Addy together.  I took pictures of my sweet , happy girls and took them to be developed.  The roll came back with some wonderful pictures.  We had bought a couple of special stories to give our girls for Christmas.  That day, because everything was going smoothly, I took time to write a letter to Addy inside the front cover of her book.

I put two happy girls to bed that night, and finished wrapping a few last gifts and put the last of our clothes in suitcases to go hoe.  I finished at 11 and just then Addy started to wake up.  This was not usual for her. and if I had followed our "rules" I would have let her cry it out to keep her sleeping through the night, but instead, because I was still awake, I got her up.  She was happy and seemed playful so we sat on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, and played.  She crawled across the floor to me a few times and gazed at the Christmas lights.  She sat on my lap, and played with my hand, patting it, and waving her hands.  Then I went and nursed her.

 After eating well she still was not sleepy, so I took her in her room and rocked her and sang to her all my favorite carols. I started with Silent Night, then God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, O Holy Night, Away in a Manger, We Three Kings, many others I don't recall.  I ended with Hush Thee My Baby, and one more time of Silent Night.  She snuggled in my arms and after a while, settled down.  I laid her in her crib, covered her up, and kissed her goodnight.  This sweet little baby knew she was leaving and said her good-byes to ease her mother's pain.  I did not know it was good-bye then, but I am so grateful for such a sweet last memory.


Years later I can say that I still miss my little girl.  I know she watches over our family, I feel her near when I am at the temple.  She is a tangible anchor that keeps me striving to return to Heaven myself.

Most of all I can say that God knew what I needed to experience in order to make me really change and learn and grow.  He gave me the sweet and bitter experience then, to prepare me for other experiences later on, and so that I can have empathy for others.

Each time I turn to God for comfort, with real faith, and purpose of heart, He does give me solace. He lets me choose to turn to Him for peace or to try and fight through on my own.  I have tried both options at different times.  I can definitively say I prefer the peace and comfort that He offers to the pain and loneliness and despair that I find on my own.  He has shown me his working in my life, in the little details, like a picture taken on certain day, and in the big over-arching direction of my life.  I have felt His presence, I know He is there.  He has not left me comfortless.

I am a mother who knows peace.

Merry Christmas 2014!

Twas the night before New Years and all through our house,
There was peace and rejoicing, for me and my spouse.

The children were tucked all snug in their beds,
While visions of happiness danced in their heads.

I had thought through this past year and saw good and bad,
Some hard times of sadness, and the miracles we had.

Our measures of progress were scarce to appear,
Our lives looked the same to those we call dear.

But if you could open and see in our hearts
They now are fast made with much stronger parts.

We learned from our garden that God has a plan.
His cycles teach patience to impatient man.

Bright Kate found her dream to teach others truth
through music and stage about Esther (and Ruth?)

Good Cassidy has served her family in love.
Our expectations she exceeds beyond and above.

Boy Wyatt has grown to love working with Dad.
Also reading, eating, and flying are times to be had.

Joy! Mille has taught us to always keep trying,
Though sometimes life's hard and we find ourselves crying.

Estella Jane's walking and smiles remind
that her health is a miracle from a Father, kind.

At Crossfit we're given the chance to grow muscle
that helps us at home and when life is a bustle.

But greatest blessing this year that I can recall
Is Christ's Atonement to lift us each time we fall.

Jesus came into our home through scripture and prayer
Our lives are changed for we felt him there.

May this new year for you bring a blessing so sweet.
Although the joy comes after tears at His feet.

Home-grown watermelon.  Can't we eat it already?

Home crafted costume of Glinda the good witch

Getting violins for first lessons.

Saying Goodbye to Raksaka

 

Airplane ride for 9th Birthday.

  

Hot date to see the lights.

 

I am a mother who knows how to be consistent.

But this used to be a real weakness for me.

I have always loved diving into a project, or chunky time, as I have heard it called, but even just a couple years ago I really struggled to do the things that needed attention every day.  Dishes, making my bed, homeschool devotional, math drills, writing, personal scriptures, journal, prayer, and exercise.  I would set a goal, and do well for a few weeks then it would peter off, till I was depressed with my failure and lack of stick-to-itiveness.
I wanted to  teach my children to know Jesus Christ, and love learning in every subject, and how to work hard.  I wanted to finish fixing up our house, and then maintain it well, and to study the gospel, and everything else, getting my own scholar phase, and grow real, healthy, nourishing food that I could feed my family.

In 2010, I hired a personal mentor to help me learn how to do it.  Jodie Palmer.  She did teach me, but it has taken until this past year that I have fully been able to understand the power of what she gave me.

One time, in my frustrations, she told me the story of the Tortoise and the Hare.  I could see that I was much more like the hare.  When I tried to do something, I would do it big, and fast, then I would get burned out, life would be out of balance, and I would do nothing more.  Like the hare, I would lay down and take a nap in the middle of the race.  She asked me why.  I realized that a part of me was afraid that with just slow, little steps I would never get to the finish line.  That the project or goal would be unraveled at the beginning before I ever made it to the end.  She asked me to give it a try.  To experiment with the small, steady, daily actions.  Jonathan bought me a tortoise, that I named "Connie," short for Constance.  I kept her in my pocket often to remind me of my need to do small efforts daily.  When

She taught me to make and keep commitments, and that goals and commitments are different.  As I was working with her, she did not let me set a daily commitment for several months, until I had a track record of keeping weekly commitments.  I was so excited the first time she let me set a daily commitment - it was very small - Read at least 1 verse every day.  Eventually, seeing that I could keep the small commitments gave me power to keep bigger ones.  Having to consistently report to her helped me be consistent for a time.

After my time working with her was over, I had to learn how to do it on my own.  That didn't come right away.

It took exercising faith in the principle, giving it a real try before I could believe it would work for me.  And my effort wasn't always constant.  But I have consistently kept trying to be consistent.

This past year I wanted to learn how to double-unders at Crossfit.  I spent several months doing them one at a time.  I would do one, then trip up on the rope.  I worked at them for a few minutes every day I went to the box.  After a couple months, I got a rythym of single, single, double, single, single, double where I could get 5 to 10 double-unders in.  Finally, after months of consistent trying and literally being in tears over them I strung 2 together.  Then I could only get 1 again.  A week later I got 6.  Then I started getting 2 and 3s more consistently.  Today I hit 75 unbroken for the second time.  Tomorrow I will be doing good to get a couple sets of 25.  When I can get 100 unbroken, most any time, I will consider the skill mastered.

This is how implementing every new skill or piece of knowledge goes for me.  Slowly and steadily, if I keep trying, it does improve.

I am a mother who knows what gift to give.

It is one gift that everyone needs:  my husband, my in-laws, my children, my friends, my great aunt, and my neighbors.  Even those who don't want it, and leave it on the front porch or trample over it, need it, they just don't know it.  It is beautifully simple, yet too magnificent for me to fully comprehend.  It is unique for each person who receives it.  It tastes sweeter than anything else I have ever tasted.  It is solid as stone, solid enough to build a house on!  It never runs out, the more I use it, the more there is available to me.  Someone else has already paid for it, so it is not really mine to give, but I can share it!

It is the gift of Jesus Christ!  His gospel.  His Love.  His Life.  His Atonement.

#Sharethegift