Today I climbed out of bed and my emotions were raging. I felt overwhelmed with my day, and out of control of my thoughts. I had this great idea of how to make St. Patrick's day fun, but I slept in too late, I was out of my comfort zone, not being in my own home, and my mind went off - okay I must give credit where credit is due - Satan went off telling me that I could not possibly get everything done, that I was a bad mother because I did not have a surprise ready when my children woke up, that my mother in-law was certainly judging me to be a bad mom because I wasn't doing something fun for my children, that life is too hard, miserable, and everything is going down hill.
Yes, Satan really does go off on me like that, and for the first time in weeks, I was believing him. I just sank under the weight of it all. All day I was moving between agitated, irritable and grumpy to depressed, crying, to simply apathetic, tired and lazy. I can blame it on PMS, on my life being discombobulated, because we are in the midst of so much transition, or simply on a bad day, but until I find the real source of my misery I cannot work on overcoming and changing and preventing it from reoccurring. It is Satan who seeks to torment and make me miserable like himself.
Satan got in my head and in my on voice was spouting lies, that I was believing. He had a heyday. I struggled for recovery several times during the day, but could tell that at best I was at a 1 or 2 (Chemical drip or feelings). Finally, after a brief surprise visit with an old friend I was finally brought back down to 0. As I shared with her my bad day, and she shared with me her own struggles, I could see clearly that what I want - what I am fighting for - is my children to feel my love, to see a path that leads to happiness, and that by my buying into Satan's lies and letting him run my day, I had not given them that model. I felt the Warrior chemistry surge, the antidote to Satan's chemical spills took effect and I was restored to my caring, real self.
The truth is that Jesus Christ knows my situation. He knows what I can handle, and will help me to know what things are best and help me to do them. He will also help me to let go of the extra things. His atonement can enable me to be the mother I desire. The truth is that St. Patrick's day is not essential for teaching eternal truths - (although my husband came up with an awesome scripture treasure hunt that compared our journey through life to a rainbow and the atonement as a gift better than gold.) The truth is my mother-in-law loves me, and has never shown anything other than love and acceptance of me - even with all my quirky ways. The truth is that life challenging, so we can grow, glorious with ups to match the downs, and our life are progressing toward our Savior as we keep seeking to follow him.
Satan lied, and had me going for a day. But he didn't win!
* Learn about The Chemical Scale
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